I went for a run Friday night. The positives: I ran for 40 minutes, broke a good sweat, kept a good pace the whole time and passed a man who was running without his shirt on. You know the type, the one with the perfect, Fight Club Brad Pitt body. Granted, he’d lapped me about three times and he had started walking when I ran past him. But still…I give myself credit for it.
The negatives: the realization that I was not sexy. Aside from the normal things that makes running un-sexy, the funniest thing happened to me.
I was running to the beat of one of the three greatest albums, ‘FutureSex/LoveSounds’ a la Justin Timberlake. His hit, “SexyBack” came on at just the perfect time. I was getting ready to run by a crowd of people and suddenly got self-conscious. “Oh gosh, do they notice its a tid-bit-nipply?” “What if they think I run like a duck?” and “How ironic. I am incredibly un-sexy right now.” All of those flashed through my mind. In a split-second decision I decided I was going to over-compensate.
I was going to pick up my pace, hold my shoulders proudly, and make every effort to look like a gazelle.
The thing I didn’t factor in: the swarm of gnats. It is absolutely impossible to run in a sexy fashion through a swarm of gnats. Instead of peacocking my way through the crowd, I looked more like Jack Black attempting the Wobble on one leg. It was a disaster.
Bugs were everywhere. My eyes. My nose. My mouth. My ears. Realizing my attempts at sexy were a failure, I straightened myself out and jogged sheepishly away.
As I was running away I was convicted, confused and embarrassed. I had the very humble realization that in order to bring sexy back, I have to have had it in the first place. (Perhaps the title of this blog should really read “Getting Sexy…”)
While I was running, I began to think about how last week after my first post about starting Weight Watchers for Men, a few people thought I was too self-deprecating or self-conscious. And perhaps they were right. I didn’t give much of an explanation for why I was doing this. And honestly, I didn’t really think about it until I was running.
For me, it isn’t because I think I’m fat. I know I’m fat. It’s not because I want to be skinny. I will never be that. Years ago, through the typical middle-school turmoil and torture, I learned that the shape of my body didn’t define me. I chose to let my mind and words do that.
For me, doing this isn’t about bringing sexy back. Or even getting sexy. Its about being a healthier me…not for my sake…but for my future children’s. I owe it to them to be around and healthy when they get here. Its about being a good father and a good husband; one who lives to love his children well and one who lives to love his wife with all that he has.
The perks? Getting slimmer, losing weight, and looking better. The purpose? My beautiful wife and unborn child(ren). [Side note: Sara is NOT pregnant.]
So without further ado…in the first week of doing Weight Watchers for Men, I have lost 4.5 pounds.
Goodbye, 4.5 pounds…I will not miss you and I hope I never see you again.